Felicia is a Registered Psychotherapist and owner at Restoration Room Counselling.
I recently read an article on the Huffington Post that shared experts’ revelations on the impact of birth order on individual well-being.
The article talked about first daughters and the immense responsibility they carry in their family, which can negatively affect their well-being if care is not taken.
This article resonated with me as the first daughter in my family of origin. One thing I find I sometimes struggle with is ‘over-responsibility’.
There is a danger in being overly responsible to others. Yes, it is laudable and commendable to feel the need to support others especially family members. However, this act of kindness and compassion could quickly degenerate into a negative cycle of unrealistic dependability and expectations from others.
Here are some negative impacts of being overly responsible as a firstborn or first daughter.
Anxiety, Stress-physical, emotional and financial, Burnout, Exhaustion- physical and mental.
Here are some strategies that I’ve found helpful to set healthy boundaries:
- Prioritize my self-care
- Prioritize my needs- emotional, physical, social, and financial
- Admit that adults are responsible for making life choices
- Get rid of the saviour mentality- if I am not around, everyone will be fine
- Become less critical of myself and others- easier said than done. It is however doable. Start with yourself. Understand that you have weaknesses and growth areas as well as your strengths. Stay and function in your area of strength
- Acknowledge that I am a parent to my children, not my siblings or spouse
- Resist family pressure to be overly responsible
- Resist societal pressure and unrealistic expectations
- Pay close attention to roles that were assigned in childhood
- Extend self-compassion to me first- this is not selfishness but self-care. It does not mean that you care less about others. Instead, it makes you realize that you can only give what you have
Reflection: What roles or expectations are placed on you in your FOO? Which of those roles are you functioning in? Are you struggling to define a healthy boundary in your roles? Reach out today!
Felicia Onwuemele, MDiv, BScN, RP
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